A Confused Mathematician at 25.

Let me first start with wishing myself a "Happy birthday". Happy Birthday Anil. :-)

I do not know why but 25 sounds a bit old to me. Not long ago I was working hard in college for grades and I was 20-ish only. Time has flown in last few years and probably at a pace which I could not get a hold of ( of course all in hindsight , all this while I was also illusioned of being comfortable about the pace :-)). There has been a transformation of sorts from a Anil of 20 to what I am today.
Amidst all this my theories have stayed and have been verified big time but the not so great thing is that they were never "optimistic" to start with. Law of averages has stood the test of time ( at least of the last few years) graciously. Moments of exuberance , extreme satisfaction and happiness have followed the Newton's third law of opposite reaction at other times. From a very chirpy and dynamic internal self of me I have turned into a inner self which has lost most of its momentum and also may be "hope". Exactly opposite has transpired into the exterior of me. From a quiet , shy self of me I now find myself speaking a lot ( personally , professionally , socially etc) and probably more so for the sake of it or may be to move away from the quietness that is gripping me! Perhaps I am scared.

So much so for the law of averages , let us explore some other things. Something that has remained with me and is one of my prized possession is the "dohavali" of Kabir (a famous sage and philosopher). So what did I establish out of this?
Well , there are some who might tend to categorise me as a "pessimistic self" but then I have every right to stand for what I believe , do not I ?
" Chale gaye so na mile , kisko poochun baat
Maat pita suta baandhwa , jhootha sab sanghaat "
This one does stands tall among the many that I find as intriguing. It might only be time before everyone recongnises it , later the better! Yes , I did not write that wrong , because the later you tend to recognise this fact , the more "fake happiness" you will have for life.
I know that I did a blunder by recognising ( and not only did I recognised , but I also internalised the same :-)) it so early, but then I am happy to categorise myself as intelligent than being happy elsewise!

Another thing that I will touch upon is the "Elasticity of Emotions"! So any one who believes that emotions are perfectly elastic , you can extend them to any degree you want?
I might want to have an argument becasue I disagree with that. Emotions and feelings are stretchable and within a range (range might be person specific) they are perfectly elastic , but if you stretch them beyond a point , there ain't any more pain/fun. Also established is the loss in charm of emotions/feelings when you repeatedly go over them time and again.

What is life ? Umm... tricky enough. I frankly do not know , seems like it is a degree in the "Philosophy of End". The good things is that everyone passes the course irrespective , ofcourse the smarter guys do it faster than others ;). Well , I am not being pessimistic but then the inevitable end cannot be denied.
I am not proposing the inaction but I am only being a proponent of "understanding". One must appreciate that there is probably no way one can breach the all mighty "law of averages" and no matter how smart you can be in formulating your objective function of life , you will be shot with a surprise! Imagine yourself being in a happy state when you have figured a "method" of living and then the surprise of some of the variables of your function leaving you and some yearning to come in! ;) You cannot counter that because you never live alone and you do not live for yourself only ( Ohh yeah , some of you are still illusioned , I leave it to time to teach you!).
I am very confident that I would have had exactly same passion in my thoughts if I this was a post of few years back and also in the opposite direction as this one, but then that is life for me.
There are illusions , then there is life and then there are jolts and then there is reality staring at your face. And for those who still think they can arbitrage happiness , well there was also once said that "house prices can never come down"! ;)
It ain't any stupidity to pay for your hedges , I agree that illusion of the wall street whiz kids is shattered but then people are also not grossly wrong! Nothing comes for free and protection of your so called "happiness" is no exception. Is not it funny that you must hedge even your happiness? I can imagine some of you going for a toss on what on earth I am talking!

As always , coming this far I lost it (this case i mean the thoughts), that probably sums up my life!
Trust me it does! :-)

Identifying Love ?

It's the month of February , Valentine's around , it's the month of Love!

I am not going into the debate of whether we must celebrate Valentine or not ; I fund it stupid (to me at least ! ) enough when people argue that we Indians blindly copying Western culture! Ohh come on , we should blindly copy any X , Y , Z if it is for good! Ok , i agree something as divine and great as Love cannot be constrained in a day or two and neither it "should" be tried to. But why do we have established habits of seeing the negative side of things only?
I got this from my manager (and he from a 16th century quote) that there is nothing to prove for sure that God exists and so we can do with not assuming his existence but then why take the risk of if actually he does?
Got my point ? All I am trying is that what wrong it can do if we allocate a day for Love , let's do it and do it with grace and enthuthiasm.
Now many a times all those of you who have been in love , half-love , attraction or got chance to be in vicinity of this divine feeling must have asked yourself if you really are in love? To me it is a sacred feeling and so are all the words that try and describe the plethora of colors and the myriads of human feelings and emotions. The faculty to actually feel them might be one for common distribution but the faculty to appreciate them and/or respect them is very limited in my opinion. I for one is very circumspect and conscious (and will always be! ) of these words like love , feelings , respect , care , affection ; I do not use them at my will and always feel a bit scared to actually use them! My philosophy for all these is pretty simple , I understand that yes you really feel them at some point of time but being a believer in the continuity of things , I guess the feelings are gradual and do not trigger a digital phenomenon ever( At least they should not!).
So one can never actually have that level where you suddenly can say that yes I am "now" in love , because may be you left that point of entrance a long time back. So it is very essential that you respect the continuity and to be very sure of things and also to avoid any issues , you relax and "tell yourself" that yes you are and it is for "real"!
When should one do that ? Umm... that's a question of sorts. Common symptoms are for sure attraction , desire to be together , close to the person you are falling for , day dreaming about him/her is one of them as well. Also one must try and find out things in their common habits, like if you are a music addict and when some romantic song is on , if you are constantly thinking of someone , that might be a good bet to believe that you have already fallen for the person!
Try this : listening to something like : "tujh mein rab dikhta hai ..." (ofcourse don't be conscious about things) and you are smiling within and on the exterior with some images of someone , then you bet you are in love! ;)
Also remember that elation reminds you of your beloved , excitement points to her , the person with whom you are confused about to share your grief with is your beloved as well(Because you want to vent everything in your heart to him/her but also do not wish to put grimness on his/her face!). The person you are perhaps most scared of from an emotional point of view , the person you are least scared of from a physical point of view, the person who does not make you laugh out loud that much ,but you always makes you wear a sweet little smile on your face because the satisfaction is on a higher level of human existence!

Happy to hear if you guys have some nice ways to recognise;)

A very happy Valentine to all!

God Bless,
Anil