A Confused Mathematician at 25.

Let me first start with wishing myself a "Happy birthday". Happy Birthday Anil. :-)

I do not know why but 25 sounds a bit old to me. Not long ago I was working hard in college for grades and I was 20-ish only. Time has flown in last few years and probably at a pace which I could not get a hold of ( of course all in hindsight , all this while I was also illusioned of being comfortable about the pace :-)). There has been a transformation of sorts from a Anil of 20 to what I am today.
Amidst all this my theories have stayed and have been verified big time but the not so great thing is that they were never "optimistic" to start with. Law of averages has stood the test of time ( at least of the last few years) graciously. Moments of exuberance , extreme satisfaction and happiness have followed the Newton's third law of opposite reaction at other times. From a very chirpy and dynamic internal self of me I have turned into a inner self which has lost most of its momentum and also may be "hope". Exactly opposite has transpired into the exterior of me. From a quiet , shy self of me I now find myself speaking a lot ( personally , professionally , socially etc) and probably more so for the sake of it or may be to move away from the quietness that is gripping me! Perhaps I am scared.

So much so for the law of averages , let us explore some other things. Something that has remained with me and is one of my prized possession is the "dohavali" of Kabir (a famous sage and philosopher). So what did I establish out of this?
Well , there are some who might tend to categorise me as a "pessimistic self" but then I have every right to stand for what I believe , do not I ?
" Chale gaye so na mile , kisko poochun baat
Maat pita suta baandhwa , jhootha sab sanghaat "
This one does stands tall among the many that I find as intriguing. It might only be time before everyone recongnises it , later the better! Yes , I did not write that wrong , because the later you tend to recognise this fact , the more "fake happiness" you will have for life.
I know that I did a blunder by recognising ( and not only did I recognised , but I also internalised the same :-)) it so early, but then I am happy to categorise myself as intelligent than being happy elsewise!

Another thing that I will touch upon is the "Elasticity of Emotions"! So any one who believes that emotions are perfectly elastic , you can extend them to any degree you want?
I might want to have an argument becasue I disagree with that. Emotions and feelings are stretchable and within a range (range might be person specific) they are perfectly elastic , but if you stretch them beyond a point , there ain't any more pain/fun. Also established is the loss in charm of emotions/feelings when you repeatedly go over them time and again.

What is life ? Umm... tricky enough. I frankly do not know , seems like it is a degree in the "Philosophy of End". The good things is that everyone passes the course irrespective , ofcourse the smarter guys do it faster than others ;). Well , I am not being pessimistic but then the inevitable end cannot be denied.
I am not proposing the inaction but I am only being a proponent of "understanding". One must appreciate that there is probably no way one can breach the all mighty "law of averages" and no matter how smart you can be in formulating your objective function of life , you will be shot with a surprise! Imagine yourself being in a happy state when you have figured a "method" of living and then the surprise of some of the variables of your function leaving you and some yearning to come in! ;) You cannot counter that because you never live alone and you do not live for yourself only ( Ohh yeah , some of you are still illusioned , I leave it to time to teach you!).
I am very confident that I would have had exactly same passion in my thoughts if I this was a post of few years back and also in the opposite direction as this one, but then that is life for me.
There are illusions , then there is life and then there are jolts and then there is reality staring at your face. And for those who still think they can arbitrage happiness , well there was also once said that "house prices can never come down"! ;)
It ain't any stupidity to pay for your hedges , I agree that illusion of the wall street whiz kids is shattered but then people are also not grossly wrong! Nothing comes for free and protection of your so called "happiness" is no exception. Is not it funny that you must hedge even your happiness? I can imagine some of you going for a toss on what on earth I am talking!

As always , coming this far I lost it (this case i mean the thoughts), that probably sums up my life!
Trust me it does! :-)